An Adventurer's Dream

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Moment of Realization

on January 28, 2014

I was looking in the mirror this afternoon, comparing myself to a few years ago. I’ve definitely changed, become a bit more mature. My face still has a baby look to it, but I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I like – no, love – my own body and everything about it. If I met my younger self, I think she would like who she’s become.

And that’s when it hit me. My younger self, say 10-year-old Brittany, would love who I am today. Do you know how much of a relief that is? To think that I can actually be proud of who I am?

I spend a lot of time worrying about… well, everything. If it exists in my life, I worry about it. I even worry about things that aren’t present in my life. I overwork myself, trying to do my best and always feeling that I don’t achieve anything even near my goal. I realize that I’m not perfect and I hate that. I’m a perfectionist. I want to be better, to be successful in everything. I see the blemishes on my face and I think that I’m not pretty. I see the little pudge in my stomach and I think, my body’s imperfect (I’m thin and I don’t think anything about body weight because every body is beautiful, but I bloat and someone once asked me if I was pregnant in high school and so I’m a little insecure about my bloated stomach).

Geez. The list goes on. I won’t bore you with all the irrational thoughts that fill my head. But goodness, who here doesn’t have those thoughts?

Back to the point. 10-year-old Brittany didn’t really have any expectations for her future. At least, none that I can remember. Well, she wanted to be a pediatrician and go to college, but there were no exact plans. I wanted to get a boyfriend eventually, but I’m still working on that. Honestly, I don’t think she’d be upset that I don’t have one yet. She’d love who I am, and I’m not saying that to be full of myself or make myself feel good.

I’m in college. That was one of the things that was for sure going to be in my future. I was going to get an education. And I’m doing well in school, maintaining my grades and making connections. I’ve been an assistant manager. I have, literally, four jobs right now – even if two of them are just every now and then. I’ve been to Japan. Even if it was for a week, man, how awesome is that? I’m fashionable – I love clothes, make-up, and hats… and I’m starting to learn to do my hair. I went through a phase where I didn’t care about all of that and life isn’t about caring about material things… but I enjoy fashion and that’s something I’m proud of. I consider myself to be pretty, even if I’m not that great. Even if I don’t love who I am all the time, I still love myself. I have wonderful friends, people that I couldn’t live without. And geez, maybe this list would go on if I keep looking at my life from this standpoint.

It’s so easy to get caught up in stress and school and worrying that I start to think negatively about everything. But taking a step back, I realize I’m comparing my life to others around me. Each person has their own wonderful story and their own fantastical path. Even though mine doesn’t match up to the girl who an RA and graduated early or the boy that won an award or the person that found true love, my own story is unique and awesome. My 10-year-old self isn’t going to compare who I am now to other people. She’s going to compare herself to me, the 21-year-old Brittany that has gotten a bit silly but still has a heart that cares for everyone.

So, what about you? What would your 10-year-old self think of how he or she has become? When you look back twenty years from now, will you believe you made the right choices with your life? Sometimes it just takes looking at yourself from a different perspective to realize just how fantastic you really are.

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